30.11.08-sunday

Just watch wat nicholas done.. He building the block on the truck n trailer.. To mi nicholas is vary hard 2 teach, whenever he out he wild n out of control.i sometime really donoe hw 2 teach him. I much relieve marcus is more obiedence. I somehw don really undestand y 2 character are totally difference.

24.11.2008 (Monday)

Dear Diary

It a brand new week and it almost end of november.

Donoe y i just had this sense of loss. I Don feel secure at all with my husband. Im been thinking all along im holding a man role, taking care of my kids education, fetch them after school, bring them back after home and even settle them home, settel all the expense, bill clearance and etc.

And my husbadn doing nothing. All he know how to said is he working for this family but he did nothing to susbtain this family.

I wonder what role my husband is holding?

17.11.2008 (Monday)

Dear Diary

I donoe what happening to me. I actually beat up both of my son yesterday. I felt that that is not me, i beat them till nicholas mouth swollen and his back is all red. I also actually slap my marcus also.

I keep vent all my anger to them i also donoe why? I often think that this is not my life, i shouldnt living in this kind of life. A great weekend i should be happily spending the time outside shopping or walk walk. My life is just suck. Endless household work without even my husband helping me around.

I felt regret of what i had done to my son. I even think that all my miserable is because of my stupid husband. It all his fault. He simply work and work and place this family second place. He eimpl treat me like a maid and i wont treat him good either. Since he beat me the 1st time i felt that i can also do this to my son alway. I donoe y i had this kind of thinking. It a terrible mistake and thought.

Stay alway from my and my son life. You are not a good husband and daddy.

15.11.2008(sat)

Dear Dairy

It weekend again........ AS usual had to do all the hsehold. I had heard from others said that there is 2 type of wife. One is to enjoy and one to suffer. I guess i think im under the suffer type as my husband is not rich and eveything i had to handle myself. Not like other had maid to do everything and no restiction to do anything.

Sometime i imagine im a rich man taitai, staying in a big penthouse and husband every month give me few k to spend and i no need to do hsehold, even children just throw to the maid to handle. Everyday dress and make pretty myself and enjoy life. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just i think i just can dream about it.