27.12.08(sat)

Marcus just wake up and it time we going back hm 2 singapore n start our new journey 2 genting highland. Meantime i nw punishing nicholas 4 bully his brother again. Really tired teaching him..

26.12.08(friday)

Hmm...saw this signboard. Are they blur or is it purpose mean 2 be upside dwn? Even it is upside i don even understand any of it..

02.12.08(tue)

Sick again...since y'day till nw still nt okie. I know i can oni take care myself. My husband out of town again 2 KL. All i have is just my 2 kids accompany mi

30.11.08-sunday

Just watch wat nicholas done.. He building the block on the truck n trailer.. To mi nicholas is vary hard 2 teach, whenever he out he wild n out of control.i sometime really donoe hw 2 teach him. I much relieve marcus is more obiedence. I somehw don really undestand y 2 character are totally difference.

24.11.2008 (Monday)

Dear Diary

It a brand new week and it almost end of november.

Donoe y i just had this sense of loss. I Don feel secure at all with my husband. Im been thinking all along im holding a man role, taking care of my kids education, fetch them after school, bring them back after home and even settle them home, settel all the expense, bill clearance and etc.

And my husbadn doing nothing. All he know how to said is he working for this family but he did nothing to susbtain this family.

I wonder what role my husband is holding?

17.11.2008 (Monday)

Dear Diary

I donoe what happening to me. I actually beat up both of my son yesterday. I felt that that is not me, i beat them till nicholas mouth swollen and his back is all red. I also actually slap my marcus also.

I keep vent all my anger to them i also donoe why? I often think that this is not my life, i shouldnt living in this kind of life. A great weekend i should be happily spending the time outside shopping or walk walk. My life is just suck. Endless household work without even my husband helping me around.

I felt regret of what i had done to my son. I even think that all my miserable is because of my stupid husband. It all his fault. He simply work and work and place this family second place. He eimpl treat me like a maid and i wont treat him good either. Since he beat me the 1st time i felt that i can also do this to my son alway. I donoe y i had this kind of thinking. It a terrible mistake and thought.

Stay alway from my and my son life. You are not a good husband and daddy.

15.11.2008(sat)

Dear Dairy

It weekend again........ AS usual had to do all the hsehold. I had heard from others said that there is 2 type of wife. One is to enjoy and one to suffer. I guess i think im under the suffer type as my husband is not rich and eveything i had to handle myself. Not like other had maid to do everything and no restiction to do anything.

Sometime i imagine im a rich man taitai, staying in a big penthouse and husband every month give me few k to spend and i no need to do hsehold, even children just throw to the maid to handle. Everyday dress and make pretty myself and enjoy life. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just i think i just can dream about it.

26.10.08(sunday)

Y'day is yuan b'day, i manage a buy a sweetheart cake at 4 leaf. Though of buying present but couldnt find a suitable one. I had though of buying addida shoe keychain but don have. After havin kfc we went east coast exercise...haa.haa., marcus don feel tired at all he want 2 walk by himself, he walk almost 20mins at that x. Nx time i shall rent a bicycle n take marcus around.. Around 9plus we went 2 wash car at shell station. N finally the last part is cutting dat sweet heart cake. By the time we finish eating we all are dame tired alrdy. Yes dat sleeping time. :-*

17.10.08-friday

Early morning tis marcus n i must be crazy.nw wat x alrdy y no sleep n still take pic

11.10.08

Cute cute marcus n xuan xuan mummy

10.10.08(friday)

9 plus at nite... Watching mystery file with my marcus. What a boring nite.. Luckily got these show entertain me or not i donoe hw 2 pass my time.so fast marcus one year old alrdy and nicholas almost 4yr old... As usual nicholas stil so naughty. Lucky my marcus is so guai guai.

5.10.08

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27.09.08(sat)

Look at marcus, he snatching nicholas's milk packet. I chase tis little child frm dinning rm to the end of the kitchen.B-)

26.09.08

Yesterday went 2 nic open hse 4 their peformance 4 speech n drama. I so touch when seeing yr own son peforming alhough it just a half hr play... I really donne hw 2 descibe this kind of feeling.

19.09.08-saturday

Dear dairy

bad mood and moody today. Life is very short so i often think that we should live more lifely but i often think my life suck. Every weekend seem to at jail cant go out and had to take care of those 2 rascal and pile of hsework. Even go out is just buy some gocery thing and food more dinner.

I wonder y should i get married. Life is so meainingless after married and so stress also. I don have a parent that care about me. I don have a husband that we can have communicate and have same thinking. I don really understand him as i have noway can know when he trueful to me. When his words and real and when is fake. Feel really unsercure with him at all time.

I really wanna be with a man that can give me secureity and xin ling xiang tong man... I still waiting for this to happen.... Maybe i had to wait to grow old till dead already.

Im so BORE BORE BORE.

14.09.08(sunday)

2day is chong jiu jie but seem weather not that goom... No moonlight at all...it a vary sad thing dat i 2dae got 2 spend my day with my both son, he working 2nite again... Anyone know the story of chong jiu jie? It came from zhu yuan zhang where he set the date of lunar 15 of august n put note on mooncake n pass all msg 2 his people n declare war.he finally sucuess n set u ming dynasty.

13.09.08(sat)

Look at my 2 prince.so enjoyable n relax watchin their favourite cartoon. Finally, another weekend come again, had 2 tidy up my messy home again. Sometime i felt that i rather my husband work then stayin at hm. Alrdy 30yr old when sick donoe take care of himself...he sick he gt mi 2 take care but wat about mi? If i sick i had 2 rely on myself loh. Felt really unfair 2 mi.:@

7.09.08(sunday)

Sunday nite nw, a vary busy weekend 2 mi...yesterday went 2 my xiaogu chalet 2 celebrate marcus 1st birthday. Finaly i gt the chance 2 rest after all my hardwork. As a mother of both son i just hope they all stay healthy n happi as they grow up.

31.08.08(sunday)

Final make our move a shift the bed 2 nx rm.although the nx rm is abit small but being nic own good we hav no choice but 2 follow dat fengshui master say.our nx target is 2 renovate our living rm.

30.08.08(saturday)

After dinner we went 2 changi ter walk walk.manage 2 see one sia aeroplane..hee...see marcus so happi

21.08.08

Just bath my marcus at my mum bathroom..look at him he so happi playin with the water

18082ΘΘ8(monday):-*

Haa...nìce pic taken by mi. Time really fly,marcus going 2 be one yr old n nicholas three and half yr old..i somehw cant believe my own eye dat i actually have 2 baobei son nw. I thought of planning a gal in next five yr time.hee..

17082008(sun)

Taken when he asleep.. See he so sound asleep.. Good nite my dear.. Mum also wanna sleep too

12.08.2008 (Tuesday)

Dear dairy

But after back home is really damed tired, i just simply lie down on bed and knock off already.

I somwhow really donoe how to take care of nicholas because he very naughty. I sometime really don understand y he behavior so..... I reallyb hope he really can behave himself abit i don wanna him everyday bring trouble and make noise when he outside.

As for marcus as usual so obedience and good to take care. It so opposite to his brother character.

08.08.08

Takin the 1st pic wif my new camera

28.07.2008 (monday)

Dear dairy

Today nicholas went for hernia surgery. Although it a small surgery but i could feel the knife cut inside me too. We waited for serveral then it our turn. The surgery take about 45 min to complete. Nicholas temper is just like me, he keep on crying and shouting after he wake up. I also donoe what he wanted from us also. After we done the discharge finally around 4pm we settle at my mum hse for dinner.

I glad all these is over already. i try my very best to take care and protect my both son don let them go throught all this again. In this day surgery i had lose a very precious life in the theatre and i swear i wont go through all this again. Love u my dear angle baby.

25.07.2008 (friday)

Busy day

Donoe why my work keep piling up and just cant finish. Sometime i even think to come back work on weekend but time don permit to do so.

Had some quarel with my husband. He told me y so attitude today. Wow baing i today just feel tired and don wanna talk to him mah and said me attitude problem. But after we cool down abit then we okie le. We later on meet to have lunch together. i even brought the pineapple from the fruit stall to cook soup for tomorrow dinner. Hmm first time trying to cook bitter gourd and pinapple soup donoe noce or not.

Now 6 plus le waiting for yuan to fetch me. haiz.. one week gone again. soo fast.

24.07.2008 (thursday)

sick since last saturday, feel helpless as i had no one to depend. I had to take care myself. I would be glad my husband don need me to take care him. He ask me wanna see doctor but the problem is i where got time to see. I sick so many day later then said to me no meaning already.

I happi he would help me take care of this hse but so disappointed that he didnt help me at all. He sometime say i am lazy but i think he more lazy then me. When can have my own life back.
Now to me if his boss wanna ask him go oversea to work i wont even stop him cause maybe if he oversea i can my own kind of life back. I no need to restrict myself on anything i just that my son with me would be a difficult.

What is life? i also donoe.

From baby to kids then to sch later go work and get married. Got family then kids and later when kids grow up and we wait to dead. All this process seem very fast cause each stage seem to short.Why human being can only live 80plus . If we given 200years is good enough for us to plan our own things. And we can enjoy life for many years before we are gone in this world.

17th July 2008 (Thursday)

Back from taiwan and this trip pis quite enjoyable. I love those natually place which can see alot of water and mountain. This trip somehow let our relationship more better than last time espcially he heard what the fenshui master said that i will bring fortune to him and he treat me even more better. Hee.....

Y'day went to buy 4D and strike for consulation price although it nt much but i so happi cause this is my 1st time strike consulation price. Maybe izz because of the the lucky pendant which i holding now as some said that holding them would bring u luck. Donoe izz concidence......

04th July 2008

We had cold war.

He came to fetch me around 5pm and waiting for me at the office. While waiting for me I saw him deleted a msg which i know is her colleague send her. He so scare i see that and immediately deleted it even though it abt work. And say he don wanna bother her so deleted it. I said him y so act act and wanted him to let me see his phone and he nt happy about it. I return him the phone by throwing it lightly onto the table and me just walk off. He so unhappy and throw his phone on me two time.

If their nothing y he so scare see his phone. He even simply deleted the number in his contact although i don know. I somehow really don understand him at all. Actually i don feel like going to holiday with him at all cause i really don have the mood for that.

Everything is his decision and i had no say at all. I request to go on August and he insist July. I don like wear sport shoe and he buy for me. Although it nike shoe but i don really like those shoe on me. So x. I prefer sandal shoe than this. Go outside eat also his say oni. He almost everytime go eat is Saka Sushi. I use to like to eat that very much now going there is so sian also.

Sometime i feel that is that life that i had to live on for the rest of my life. Can't i deserve a better treat.

23rd June 2008

Decided to change the blog here.

21st June 2008

Feeling low today, satruday took nicholas to KK hopsital because of his fever, cough and also we saw some swelling on near his pelvic bone ter. We we so terrify donoe what going on...

But by the time we reach there the swelling gone. After the doctor had examine him he suspcect of hernia. Hernia is a something due to poor closure of the abdomial muscle and the intestinal may come out through the hole. The swelling might be the intestine. The doc refer me to the surgery doctor for further investigation to reconfirm whether is that hernia. I really cant sleep well these 2 days. If confirm i hernia nicholas might need to go for surgery to repair the abdominal muscle. His appointment would be on the 4th July and i be going for holiday on 7th july. I donoe whether i still got the mood to go for that.

22nd June (Sunday)

i cant really control my temper. i already try my very own best to control it but it seem useless, i often get hot when i feed him dinner and bath him after school. Everytime i feed him i need an hour to do so, cant really understand why he eat so slow.I felt sorrie after i eat him or scold him. I know it not his wrong to eat slow but just i very impantient it maybe im rushing of time.